Ramayana Page 13
stood by a hall, cross-armed and whistling
whilst admiring the black smoke he’d roused.
Hanuman lifted a shining golden pillar,
from the hall he’d crushed, then attacked the bruisers.
He killed a flank of raksassy
before Jambumali arrived on the scene.
Jambumali was one of Raavana’s friskiest bruisers,
with great tusks pronging from his gob,
with his trademark
blazing white shirt and ear-rings
he stood atop a gate and assaulted arrows at Hanuman.
A half-moon tipped arrow slaked a monkey cheek.
Hanuman’s face glowed like a full-blown autumn lotus.
Hanuman broiled with rage: a boulder at his feet,
he lifted it and chucked it with great hurl at Jambumali!
But Jambumali’s thunderous arrows were a stymie.
Hanuman was rage-hard! Hanuman
smashed his wild body, like a rock, towards Jambumali
and as Jambumali fell down
Hanuman roared his fists into that pronged beastie.
Jambumali was overwhelmed like never before
and felt a few body-crushing blows queasy his guts.
Then Hanuman smashed the tusks
back into Jambumali’s cheeks!
He knocked Jambumali out for the count
so bad
it became hard to distinguish Jambumali
from his shirt, his bow and arrows, his chariot and horses.
All was one vile heap thanks to one hot monkey!
Hold on though.
Raavana’s son, Indrajit,
who’d been praying when he heard the monkey mayhem,
with his lethal powers he summoned a mantra
that can be applied just the once on a fellow.
The mantra shot forth Shiva’s net.
Hanuman fell to the ground tied by a net of sunlight.
Unable to move.
And trapped in a hot-net for good.
Before Indrajit could reach Hanuman, from the distance
he saw the army rush forward and chain up Hanuman.
The soldiers hadn’t worked out why the monkey was
arms down-his-side and writhing in light.
The chains came on: Indrajit’s net came off.
Indrajit bit his lip, for Shiva’s noose cannot hold
if any other bond has been laid over it.
Boundless ignorance takes charge, thought Indrajit
as he returned back to his nook and resumed his meditation.
Hanuman was scuffled away by the glory seekers.
When Raavana saw the giant white creature,
he was appalled, ‘This is no mere monkey.
He must be a new creature
made by the gods to tax me.’
Hanuman, who was bound and held, said,
‘Yo, Raavana, I am here to tell you
Rama is invincible. Change or be changed up.’
Said Raavana, ‘So you support Rama.
But how did you get to Lanka?’
‘I walked.’
When laughter in the hall ceased,
‘The reward for your long walk is a short walk
to death!’
‘If I must die, one favour only I ask,
that you pick my death from two ways.’
Raavana, perked by this queer fellow, waved a hand
so Hanuman be heard.
‘If I die the way of the monkey mother –
lock me in a store-room
with tastiest dishes and I will choke to death.
If I die the way of the monkey father –
wrap my tail in cloth
pouring oil on it then setting it alight.’
To placate the hall roars of kill him!
Vibishana said, ‘Remember, the one murdering an envoy
violates the ancient law and descends
to that hell of heated jars, Taptakumbha.’
Raavana agreed and said, ‘Let him be shamed;
a bezti that befits his punishment, his guilt.’
Vibishana muttering, ‘I hear monkeys regard
the tail as precious. Let us serve him with his father’s fate.’
Hanuman was dragged away to the Gentle Room.
His tail was dunked in oil and set alight.
Raksassy blew conches and trumpets made monkey-mocking
ooh-oooh-ooohs at Hanuman’s tail.
Except those of you who are monkey fun-makers
you must desist now your oooh-ooohing too
for that monkey, with swiftness wits, to escape his shackles
shrank! Shrank! Once out of his
traps he began
enlarging and as he began carefully over-enlarging the flame
about his tail too was large
so that when that monkey was big as a building
Then that mere monkey went ooh-oooh-ooohing as he leapt
from rooftop to rooftop with the wind
helping him swing and slap his flaming tail
wherever he ooh-oooh-oooh’d!
Hanuman swung his thing all over the capital
before shrinking in size to flee.
In his wake: mansions, ramparts, gateways, watch-towers
loosened
and leaked
their ores, coral,
pearls and silver …
So to end present proceedings,
all you who would mock a fellow humanoid
by jesting how they’re a monkey,
I say it’s neither a fun-mock nor a wise-jest.
I hope it has been shown how insulting a fellow
by calling them a monkey is dread ironic!
Now call a mate a monkey
and see how proud he feels when on his mind is
hero-Hanuman
who by magic had not a hair singed on his tail!
You monkey.
Chapter Eight: Emergency Raksassy Jaw Jaw
Raavana with his war cabinet.
Demons have all the backhander shortcuts
for getting a job done in double-time.
So Raavana had coolest denizens built
with fullest dodgy means in next-no-time.
Raavana was in no mood to enjoy his revamped palace,
stating to his advisers, ‘This monkey has shot off
having shot down our capital.’
Spoke, mighty commander-in-chief, Prahasta,
who’d led Raavana’s armies against Kubera and the Devas,
‘Rama has been bold sending a monkey in disguise.
Would it not become us if we changed into mortals
meddling in Rama’s army to kill freely from within?
Otherwise what began with a monkey may not end
with a monkey. Next, challenging our rule
might be a flood of pesky mosquitos!’
He was cut short by the goofy giant, Mahodara,
a lumpen giant amongst giants,
‘Let me get this monkey and all his allies.
I’ll fee-fie-foe and drink their blood!
I’ll piss it red in the lakes and wells
from where sages sup water!’
Iron-club wielding, Vajradamshtra was straight in
spilling his unequivocally comic beans, ‘Daaaat faaat
monkey has prepared us
dat fooood is making its own way for our mouuuuths.
It will be good fill for my club. Looook at my club!
Looook at its dribbling blood and flesh-lumps.
My club is ’ungry-’ungry! Listen, my club is saying,
Dis Rama, dis Hanuman is the gooooiest
smell I ever been tell about.
My iron tummy is ’ungry-’ungry!’
The advice was getting samey. Vibishana stood
till the cheers were snapped shut and all were seated,
‘Great brother,
do not allow yourself to enter this manner.
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You are everything to me, to us all:
a father, a leader, a guru.
What grieves is that you may lose your throne
after all your austerities to gain great boons.
In a sense it was not a monkey tail
that hurt our great city
but the rightness flame raging inside Sita.
Let us cleanse ourselves of this sin.’
Silence.
Vibishana spoke softly, ‘Anyone ever conquer the gods
and live victorious … long? Retribution
shadows each affronting action. My lord, I do not think
you sought protection from mankind
so why be rousing them to stand behind a flag?
What mighty force is commanding or commanded by such a
one
as Rama if his bow alone is sleep to armies? How simply
these two brothers scattered to the fourteen worlds
Trishira and the mighty Kora.
Dear brother,
you may also remember Nandi’s curse
after you mightily heaved the Kailas mountain … that
your end would be aided by monkeys …?’
Vile silence.
Indrajit’s eyes were yellow with venom,
‘Winter clouds are big with thunder
but do they bring
fresh rain? So it is false relations seek our favour
but secretly, I think they seek change …
Protection? Were anyone so blind
seeking such a hand
as my foot-strong father who is holding our island
bound? This Rama dropped his throne
losing it to a kid brother. Would this befall my father?’
Vibishana persevered with his brother, ‘O brother,
I beg you give up this wrangle with the gods.
Let us be dwelling in our sun and delighting in our fruits.
Should not a king be seeking alliance with his equals?
An army should never be undervalued
especially one devoted to a bloodthirsty cause. Do we have
cause in kind? Why keep a lovesick wife? Return
the damaged goods and win victorious peace, brother!’
Finally, Raavana rose, ‘Remember
before Rama was born, I seized three worlds.
I have grown stronger: whatever Vishnu have I have more.
So what power in Rama?
You grieve me, Vibishana.
Leave Lanka. I give you leave.
Look all about you and go, there I grant you freedom.
I say to you all, who could tolerate this,
what this saint Rama is, if he, not even touch,
but cut our sister!
Do we even touch his wife? Did he not freely murder
Mareecha, Trishira and the galloping Kora!
Is this the work of a saint-scholar or a butcher?
Even if we were to return Sita, we would capture Rama
and offer the bride as freedom’s price.
But why be returning Sita? I brought her freely
from my own forest where she has been tenanted.
If she is comforted by our haunts
let her be haunted by our comforts.
I declare she is my own property.
So be readying for some major bishboshing.
Let the lowerworlds and the ooperworlds come too!
Did we not kick out Kubera and take Lanka?
Did not Maya, so cower’d by me, give me his daughter,
my dear Mandodari, in marriage? How many cities
in the underworld have we not attacked and taken?
How did I unseat each foe –
by taking the tusks of his elephant,
tusks never shattered under great thunderbolts,
that under the force of my jolts cracked like radishes.
How many gods? Did I not shake Shiva’s hills
like a rag
and loosen them from goblins and imps you all feasted
full year on?
I say, bring on man and bear and monkey and bird
and we shall thunder them past the chasms
swirling about the cold universe!
Our pleasure grounds are verged on eternal victory!’
Raavana continued his riotous speech
till his fighters were whipped into wanton fury
and each atom of their being sparked for annihilation.
Chapter Nine: Madu Madya Honey-pot Hairdown Day!
The monkeys and bears celebrate their success.
O golly golly gosh what a lot of dirty hooting
drunkard monkeys bonking any lot of lady
fellows in the randy vineyard with all for swinging
fulsome column donging orgy virility no-end
and every josser monkey
got some jiggy game
till arm-linked hill-top
bawdy song-along!
Hanuman forgetting himself on his way
to see his king and instead before the big
battle and for one last final fling leading Angada
and the gang not forgetting wise bear Jambavan
and his crew
to Maduvana
to Daddymuck’s
vineyard.
There they rifled through the treasured store
and got a bit madu, or sozzled, on honey-wine madya,
drowning potfuls and banging for the female
honeypot! The female monkeys and bears
guarding the vineyard for bread-head boring
Daddymuck couldn’t believe their saucy fortune!!!
Their uber-cock-
a-hoopery when
they’d put down
their weapons
and taken up
an entirely
lustier sort
of weapon.
O golly golly cheeeeeky gosh!
Monkeys and bears bumbling down the hills
and chucking pot or vat in the air and crocking
across the grove. More bosky freedom! More madu!
More tupping! Till Daddymuck roared Enufff!
Enough? Not quite enough just yet, sahib!
They thumped the partypooper who galloped off
to find King Sugreeva. The king settled the debt.
Daddymuck
stroked his
white beard
with gold-bag
gleeeeeee!!!
Rama and Sugreeva were sure good news only
could be the upshot, so they found Hanuman
and his army.
Hanuman’s sapped groaning
two-day leave-me-alone arms-
about-the-head shush hangover
army …
Chapter Ten: Calling All Monkeys Here Now Please!
Sugreeva summons a monkey army.
The fighting season was at them.
King Sugreeva gave sober notice for a great army thus …
‘Now all hear this, yo!
Go forth my clarion-calling monkeys,
go forth you who leap and in leaping sip the clouds!
You who simply blot the sky at full span!
You who are built like elephants and buffaloes!
You, my boldest monkeys
leave no cave, mountain or bunker in the ocean unchecked!
Go forth bringing bounding out the million billion monkeys
lapping the global mantle
by plying them with standard inducements and gifts
and telling them there is a king of the monkeys
who calls them raging forth for the celestial battle!
Let the world reckon in millennia to come
that once in Kiskinda
King Sugreeva stood before a prophecy of monkey power
fulfilling! Where a mission to save the earth entire
was consummated and monkeys were freed ever after!
Summon them all by the tenth day from now.
Go! Go hooting forth at once my beloved ochre couriers!’
Now all should check the speech riposte, yeah.
Within ten days, monkeys spilled from forests, mountains,
caves and seas. Three hundred million monkeys,
mascara-black, came from Mount Anjana,
a thousand million who live on roots and fruits
clamoured down from the Himalayas,
one hundred million dazzling golden monkeys down
from the Sunset Mountains,
millions rose up from pale-peaked Mount Mandara,
millions were tawny as a lion’s mane
and stirred from Mount Kailasa,
millions were fierce as Indra and came from Vindhyas!
Flanked and ranking leaders of armies
from sun charmed land upon land,
monkeys handsome from eating only berries,
monkeys who could fly across mountain ranges,
monkeys who could morph into bears and serpents,
monkeys who could swallow a fireball
spitting it back with missile might,
monkeys flashing tiger-teeth and diamond nails
that with tooth or nail alone could dizzy the foe,
and all the uncategorised monkeys, all the monkeys
never named or known
who would fight to the final limb!
Through forest and thicket the earth thickened –
where they amassed they drank up the sun,
they blotted the sun as a huge dust cloud blinkered the sky.
The ground shook to the leaps and whoops
riddling the tottered world with apocalyptic din!
Chapter Eleven: By Nala to Lanka
Rama’s army seek a way for crossing into Lanka.